Week 6 - Jane Kwak
In “My Mother Not My Mother,” Professor Valverde explains her
thoughts about her relationship with her mother throughout her life. Until the age of five, Valverde was left to
live with her grandparents in Vietnam, while her mother stayed in the United
States. With a feeling of abandonment,
Valverde could not understand why her mother would leave her. Even at a young age, Valverde had an idea
about what a mother daughter relationship was supposed to be like and knew that
that was not something she had. At age
five, Valverde’s mother came to take Valverde with her to Oakland. Unfortunately, her relationship with her
mother continued to be strained. After
many years later, Valverde learned why her mother thought it was best to leave
Valverde with her grandparents. As Valverde tried to understand her mother’s
soul, her mother stated that she is not her mother. Instead, her mother is Valverde’s aunt with whom
she had a loving relationship with throughout her life.
When Valverde’s mother left her in her grandparents’ care, she
felt abandoned because of her belief of what a “normal” family was supposed to
look like. A “normal” family consisted of a loving mother and father as the
primary caretakers. This idea of a
“normal” family is a conception that is reinforced by certain cultures and
societies. Just because you are raised
by people other than your parents, does not mean you are not in a “normal”
environment. It is how they raise you
that matters. This ties into this week
theme of “Giving Life and Life Giving,” because it demonstrates the idea that someone
who gives birth to you does not always necessarily give you a sense of purpose
or acceptance in this life. When her
mother stated that her sister, a woman who showed Valverde love, was Valverde’s
mother, Valverde came to an understanding.
She said, “With that explanation I felt the skies open up, and I could
make sense of the world. A weight was
lifted, and I then understood…” Valverde
was able to understand that her mother was not the person to provide her with the
ability to live her life. Valverde was able to grow up with the care and love
from other family members. I wonder how
children who are adopted, those with no connection to their biological family
members, feel about their biological mother.
Question: Do people who grew
up with no connection to their biological family members feel the same about
their biological mother as people who grew up with biological relatives?
Reference:
Valverde, Kieu Linh
Caroline. “My Mother Not My Mother.”
Visual:
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