Week 1: "My spiritual journey" - Anna Le

A Journey Without Destination

My earlier life was characterized by a lot of suffering and turmoil. Whether it was from within myself or from the people around me that were hurting, I knew deep inside that I was yearning for all of it to end. At one point in my life and after years of mental/emotional anguish, I got really fed up and frustrated. I wanted answers and I wanted more from life than only negativity, so I got down on my knees and begged God to help me because I was feeling utterly despaired.

After the 2014 Napa earthquake, my life started to change drastically. Although it was slow and seemed all coincidental at first, I began to meet a series of people that led me to realize myself spiritually. I met a person who taught me the healing power of crystals, another who taught me astrology, and another who taught me to read tarot cards, talk or connect with angels, and recommended me spiritual books that I now credit for opening my mind and inviting this spiritual energy into my life.

During that time, I had meditated a lot and would often go into these semi-trance state and thought that I had connected with a Higher being that was not myself. I had learned to effectively quiet my mind/ego to connect with, what I had thought at the time, to be my inner guidance or intuition. There were times I would experience a sense of great peace and connectedness to all that is, even in the midst of my misery. I could enter into this peaceful state and dwell within it. I had experienced a lot of synchronicities and signs from the Universe, but soon I would dismiss it all as delusions.

The beginnings of my journey seem very New Age, but I quickly abandoned that after a series of traumatic events that occurred. I was left out of my mind and questioning my sense of self and reality. It didn't make much sense to hold on to these "flimsy" beliefs. I grew very depressed once again but sought out philosophy as a way to re-connect with some sort of Divine energy. Afterward, I learned that the things that I felt and experienced from that strange period of time in my life could be found in the ancient wisdom of Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, other eastern religions/philosophies, as well as some parts of Western philosophy and within the Gnostic Christian beliefs. I learned that the thing I experienced was consciousness and that there was certainly more to life than what meets the eye. My teacher had told me the experience I had was called "satori" which is translated roughly to sudden enlightenment.

To roughly summarize as confusing as that was because I tried to condense my entire life, I suffered a lot and then I asked Universe to help me, then some crazy stuff happened to me that hurt my feelings some more, but there was something inside of me, call it intuition, that led me to meeting people, encountering events, that eventually led to my discovery of a spiritual awakening.

My journey isn't over yet. That was just the start. What I am embarking has no destination, just experience. I can't ask anyone to understand where I am coming from or what I have realized, but I ask that people invite this realization, journey, or whatever this is into their lives so that they could discover their own true nature and what it means to exist.

Beyond the crystals, fortune-telling, and manifesting your destiny/desires, is a profound realization of your true nature. It is the kind of realization that makes you immune to the fear of birth and death, that frees you from the prison of suffering, and opens your mind/heart to more than what this "current" reality could provide you. It connects you to something bigger than yourself, to everything. It brings peace and joy.

I can't tell you that I fully exist in that state because I don't. Otherwise, I wouldn't be taking this class, but I'd like to share this experience with everyone even though I've only caught a glimpse. I'd like to extend the invitation to you so that you could experience this realization as well, even though I've described it so vaguely. I wish for you to know too.