Week 2 - Anna Le

One of the things that really intrigued me about shamans is that they report that their lives have changed for the better, their perspective on reality is different, and that they are a completely different person than before because of being a shaman. But to get to that point, the shaman must undergo a lot of suffering, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual to realize their calling. 

I often ponder about my own experiences and what it means. I don't think I am in any way shape or form a shaman, but I do know that the 2014 Napa earthquake had completely changed me for the better. I was such a nervous, anxious, and depressed person before. I could hardly stand on my own or exist without feeling the need to be dependent on someone else. I don't know if it's because my soul willed myself out of it that now I can safely say that the person I was before is now just a former shadow of my being, or if it was a Divine intervention to save me from myself. 

Whatever it is, I have somehow developed a gift to help and guide people. I intuitively know what to say, help, or explain other people's situations, but I have to be a certain energetic place to do that. I know it's not me, "Anna", that speaks these metaphysical truths to others, but it feels like something beyond me, much more than me, but also could be me too. I remember that for a very long time when I suffered greatly that I begged to God to save me from my own suffering and that I wanted to be gifted with wisdom and the ability to save other people's suffering. I still feel the same way, but I took the route towards psychology to help me with that goal, but now I'm not too sure anymore about anything. All I know is that the more I follow this strange spiritual route, the more I am freed from suffering, and I catch a glimpse of something greater than I am and it eases me. 

I want to understand my own experience, but I don't know if my curiosity is getting in the way of things. Learning about Shamanism has been helpful because they are real-life examples of people who experienced something beyond this "reality" but their terminology and interpretations of divinity are confusing to me. I have to look past that and see the commonality of everything and compare it to what I have learned which is a Western (and also scientific) interpretation of "reality/divinity". What comforts me about their experiences is that something outside of the norm happened to them and instead of it making them worse, it healed them. I think that happened to me too (although not as drastic or scary).