Week 6 - Natalie Lortz

          Professor Valverde's "My Mother Not My Mother" helped me understand that as people will probably never be what we expect or want them to be, but that doesn't mean we aren't provided for in the way we crave. Professor Valverde wanted a mother, yet her aunt acted as a mother for her. It's also an interesting gateway to examining a mother and daughter relationship. I've also felt frustration at my mother's inadequacies and for a large part my life, I wanted her to be a certain type of mother. She will never be this person but it does not mean that my ideal vision of a mother is unachievable. I grew up feeling as if my grandma and my aunt were my mothers, or at least different versions of a mother figure. As time went on and my needs for a mother changed, I found my stepmom come into my life, who is, in some ways, more of a mother than my biological one ever will be. I love them all so much but for very different reasons. They all bring different assets to the table and care for me in their own ways. But, even in the most estranged mother-daughters always have a bit on an unbreakable bond that can not quite be explained, but is felt above all on this plane. I will always have a bond mom with my mom that will go beyond the experiences we've shared in this life.

In my own personal experience, my mother once told me she could always tell that I was lying. She said for me specifically, she could just hear my voice over a phone call and knew whether I was lying or not, even if she had absolutely no way to tell whether I was telling the truth. This scared me because as an adolescent I had definitely lied to her many times. But, it was also the way she described it, as if there was something deep inside her that had a connection to me as her daughter and there was nothing I could do to shake the lie detector bond. More recently, she has admitted to having dreams about me that are scarily relevant. One day I called her up because something was going on with my medical insurance. They had billed me too much and it was frustrating because I had to jump through hoops and call a separate company to understand what was going on and my mom might have to pay extra. It was just a whole fiasco. After explaining the situation, my mom was quiet so I asked her what was wrong. She said she was just distracted because the night before she had a weird dream where she was shopping with me and my sister, and then all of a sudden someone accused my sister of shoplifting. She clearly didn't do anything wrong but it became a huge inconvenience simply because other people wouldn't stop saying she was shoplifting and my mom felt the need to step in and help my sister. She could see the parallels between that dream situation and now and thought it was an eerie coincidence since she woke up to a text from me about the medical insurance mess. We both knew that it wasn't a coincidence at all and both have shared some of our dreams that relate a bit too well to the present. It's probably hereditary honestly.

Me, my sister, and my mom. Non-dream form.